Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
