Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
