carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
