i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
