I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
