Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
