I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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