i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
