I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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