Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
