We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
