My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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