Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize