Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
