in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
