he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
