I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
