Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize