Pappa wants mamma naked
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
