i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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