I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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