but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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