So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
