I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
