just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
