In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
