Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
