i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
