We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You are the jesus of drinking
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
