I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
