yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
