Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
