I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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