Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
