you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
