What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
