I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
