good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
