I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
