He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My vagina just clenched in fear
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
