You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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