I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
