I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize