make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just forgot I was standing up.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
