Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
