So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
