I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
