Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
