Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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