Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
