you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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