On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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