just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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