I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
