At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
