He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
