And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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