i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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