It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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