Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
