Cold hands, warm shart.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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