Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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