I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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