i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize