Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
