I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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