yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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