soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
