If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
