So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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