I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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