She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
