hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
