fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
