And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it was like eating out sand paper
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
