Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
