am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
