a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
