I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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