i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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