not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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