it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
