a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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