Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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