Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
