all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
