i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
