Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
