This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize