The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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