Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it hurts more in the daytime
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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