there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Mom said you looked used
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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