Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
