you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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