thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize