Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
