I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
