I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
