it's too hot outside to masturbate.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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