she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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