we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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