Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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