Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I smell like Dick and happiness
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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